& The Fruit: Self-Control (the last lasting fruit)
We’ve all heard that adage multiple times in our lives. “The Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” It’s one of those phrases that doesn’t mean anything after a while. Today, it means something again.
I read somewhere that the concept of self-control implies a battle between the divided self – what we desire (our flesh) vs. what God desires (our spirit). In other words, self-interest vs selfLESS interest.
I so wanted to be a good person on RAAM, but true colors under pressure aren’t always pretty. I found myself getting frustrated, disrespectful, selfish, on and on. The fight between the darker side of human-ness and “this little light of mine that’s supposed to shine, shine, shine” was never more real than on this trip.
This journey put a spotlight on how hard it is to accept the Fruit of the Spirit. It reminded me of how much I’m willing to be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, gentle, faithful, and full of self-control and how much I fail. There are just so many self-interests that need to be controlled in order to make room for the real gifts to enter in.
I am so grateful to have had this experience. I’m even more grateful that it was with eleven new and old friends who inspired me, modeled for me, and helped me to remember to control my flesh side. To me, the Fruit of their Spirits tells the real story of RAAM…the lasting story that will live on in me, and I hope the story will live on in you.
“…and the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.”
& The Fruit: Faithfulness
Race Across America is extreme business. The athletes who attempt this race are not only elite in athleticism, but they have a mindset that is…well, I still haven’t quite figured that out. I just know that not many people have it and no one can seem to define it. It appears to transcend understanding.
Then there are the wives of these superhuman athletes who do not sit in the cyclist seat. They have nothing to cling to but faith. I think of Karen (K1), Andy’s wife, who watched her husband train for one year, cycling in all weather conditions for miles and miles only to send him off on a dangerous, week-long trek across the country. You would think she’d be in a constant state of concern, but here’s what she told me about one week before the race:
“There is no doubt in my mind that everything is going to be ok. People keep asking me if I’m nervous, and I just keep telling them I know everything is going to be fine. I know God has his back.”
No doubt. What an example of faith under pressure!
Faith: to know that everything is going to be fine. I don’t think that Karen meant everything would be perfect or turn our exactly as planned. I’m not even sure she meant that we would be completely safe. I think she just knew that no matter what happened, God would be present; faithfully covering us in love and grace.
To some, this assurance may not be enough. But, if you’ve been through an impossible challenge and you’ve come out the other end, then you know the value of love and grace. Their power is unmatched against any obstacle we face in life.
Faith is something far more interior than religion. It is steadfastness, constancy, or allegiance to God’s Will over our own will. It is trust. True faith gives us the strength to see challenges as gift rather than misery.
“Consider it a sheer gift when tests and challenges come at you. You know that under pressure, your faith life is forced into the open and shows its true colors.” James 1:2-3
This race was a challenge beyond challenges, and it certainly exposed the true colors of everyone involved. Karen learned firsthand that challenges help us to become fully developed. I saw firsthand, through Karen, that when we display faith under pressure, challenges also help to glorify God.
And that is when it became perfectly clear that doing everything for the glory of God really means doing everything for the glory of God. It even meant surrendering our own desire to finish the race. Perhaps only then would God be glorified.
Woah.
There are too many things in life that transcend understanding. And this is where faith begins.
“…and the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.”
& The Fruit: Gentleness
“You’re not gonna pass him, are you? You’re NOT gonna pass him ARE you? You are NOT GOING TO PASS HIM!”
That was me.
I was not in a state of goodness. Or kindness. Or gentleness. Or anything of the Spirit.
Poor Jim didn’t know what to make of it. I was freaking out because from where I sat in the RV, it looked like Jim was about to make a pass across a solid double line into an on-coming car and I was in a complete state of panic.
Despite my lack of gentleness, Jim remained as calm and gentle as anyone could be while a raving lunatic is breathing down your neck. Thank goodness Team Jill’s House had drivers like Jim, Karen (K2), Bobcat, and D. I imagine that driving for the rest of the team was, at times, not unlike driving a school bus for a bunch of middle school kids.
Despite the chaos at times, our drivers managed to model a spirit of gentleness. Heavens knows, we needed people with the gift of gentleness on our team in order to balance out the people (me) who are still working on and waiting for that gift.
Gentleness is often mistaken as a sign of weakness. In fact, gentleness is rooted in strength. It is about restrained and polite behavior towards others, and restraint certainly requires strength. Sometimes the spirit of gentleness simply means taking a moment to think before speaking or reacting. Another act of strength.
That’s the part that always gets me.
Watching human behavior, interactions, and reactions through the lens of Team Jill’s House was like finally having the right eyeglass prescription after years of making due with blurry vision. I thought I could see it all clearly, but a week on the road within a tiny community made me realize that there was so much more to see.
I now have my model for the fruit of gentleness. I’ll be working on it. And I’m praying that the Spirit will simultaneously be breathing into my heart so that the next time I’m in a panic, I won’t be breathing down the driver’s neck.
“…and the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.”
& The Fruit: Goodness
They say that the true test of character is found behind closed doors. On Race Across America, there were no closed doors. We were out in the big, open, and wide world. Exposed to each other and to the Earth. Could this explain why I had the pleasure of witnessing a group of twelve on their best behavior?
I suspect that even closed doors wouldn’t have made the difference. Our interactions were less about the doors and more about centering on something way more important than any one individual. Because of this, the race just seemed to shine a light “the good.”
Goodness is a fruit that grows in someone whose Spirit is overflowing with love for others over self. This requires a posture of humility. As CS Lewis puts it, “Humility doesn’t mean thinking less of ourselves. It means thinking of ourselves less.”
The minute we crossed the start line of Race Across America, our posture was set for us. We were going to be humble. We were going to be good. Or we were going to be miserable.
I think about how things could have turned out if we had allowed ourselves to give into some of our worst behavior. The truth is, this journey could have gone either way. We are all capable of good and bad. We are all wired with goodness and badness.
We choose.
If we had chosen to think of ourselves rather than the good of the whole, thereby revealing our darker shadow sides, what would our days have looked like then? I imagine screaming, sniping, backstabbing, blaming and so many unpleasant interactions. Kind of like Housewives of Atlanta? Is that what that show is called? Maybe I should have added hair-pulling to the mix. “Me, me, meee, me, me, me, me, me, meee!” (insert any tune here).
Our behavior, our reactions, our feelings about circumstances are a factor of our perspective and our perspective comes from what we value. Fortunately for our team, our perspective was informed by the fact that we all valued unity, making each other comfortable and happy, and helping each other to get across the country safely.
We had focus and a unified perspective. We were not singing the “Me” song.
Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t perfect. We were not perfect. We each had our darker moments. But we caught ourselves and those times paled in comparison to the good. Our perspective kept us in check.
I wonder if in life and in all our circles, if we were to change our perspective and begin to see each other as members of a big team…a team with one focus…a team centered on each other’s needs rather than our own, what then?
I think I’d like that.
I’ll try to remember that the next time I talk to the AT & T rep on the phone. I’ll whisper to myself, “Remember, we’re on the same team. Team Humanity. Just tryin’ to do our best.”
Race Across America helped me to not only reflect on goodness, but to get to the root of it and see that it’s a product of three things: perspective, focus, and choice. But, there’s a part of goodness that is simply a gift of the Spirit because the Spirit is on the side of ALL that is lasting and good.
“…and the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.”
& The Fruit: Kindness (and a different kind of freedom)
Popsicles!
How did they know that popsicles were exactly what we all needed?
Carol and Kim, two crew members for Team Jill’s House, were on their five-hour shift in the errand car and somehow managed to find a market in the middle of the wilderness. While the rest of the crew was being blown from behind by a wicked sandstorm, Carol and Kim had our backs.
I once read that kindness and empathy are closely linked. Kindness is the observable expression of empathy. We sense another person’s need, we understand how it feels to be in need, and we decide to offer our help.
So I’m guessing that’s how our team mates made their popsicle decision. But, here’s the key that is not mentioned in that definition: awareness.
In order to be kind we have to be aware. And in order to be aware we have to step outside the world of “me” and “I.” With all the busy-ness that goes on today, this is more difficult than you might think.
When we are busy, it’s hard walk away from self. We don’t mean to be self-absorbed, we just are. It may not even be a selfish thing. Busy-ness just lures us inward. It nudges us away from the present into “what’s next.”
When we are busy, there is no time left for anything but our busy-ness. There is no time for awareness. The important stuff is often missed…like noticing the needs of others.
Carol and Kim, as busy as they were, managed to slow down, focus, and open their eyes to the needs of their team mates. I don’t know what prompted them, but we were all so grateful for their act of kindness.
“Where the Spirit is, there is freedom.”
A full blown sand storm as evidenced by K2s horizontal ponytail and Conner’s swoosh circa 1998.
Busy-ness may just be messing with our kindness, and in turn, our freedom. Not the July 4th kind of freedom, but the inner kind of freedom that is felt when we are at our best or even when we witness others at their best.
I enjoyed that popsicle like I’ve never enjoyed one before. It was a double-layered gift of freedom. It brought both a moment of free-spirited, child-like freedom that I remembered as a popsicle-eating kid, as well as a deeper lift that I now recognize as an adult.
I was part of a small act of kindness that brought a huge breath of fresh air into a hot and sticky circumstance. In a little world of twelve, it was easy to notice. This small act left me with a lasting memory and a permanent lesson. It inspires me to remember to do the same.
Next time I see someone sweltering in the sun, I know exactly what I’m doing. But first, I have to slow down, keep my eyes open, and remember my true focus in life…that everlasting part of life that is only found in the Fruit of the Spirit.
“…and the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.”
& The Fruit: Patience
Imagine cycling in the hot sun for 25 miles only to be told that you are going in the wrong direction. That’s exactly what happened to Andy about 60 hours into the race.
I can think of a hundred possible reactions to this scenario. Anger. Frustration. Defeat. I worked with a person who threatened to jump out of a 14th floor window over much less. But, Andy did not say one word. Not one. He just turned around and started pedaling in the right direction.
Patience. Endurance under difficult circumstances.
What is it that allows one person to have this kind of forbearance, acceptance, and tolerance while another person screams, shouts, throws, kicks, and screams through life?
I think it’s about defaulting to a higher judgment, timing, or purpose. Patience is actually an expression of love. We are told that we should “be patient and bear one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit.” (Eph 4:2)
At our best, our team followed suit with Andy. At our worst, I know I caught myself sniping and rolling my eyes on a number of occasions. The sad thing is that as I was doing it, I was telling myself I shouldn’t do it. I did it anyway.
Our limits are tested in conflict and under stress. I learned that the key to enduring these circumstances is to focus on the unity. Again…”making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit.”
I learned this from Andy. I watched him in those ” in-between” times; those times of waiting when patience is key. In particular, I was learning from him when we exchanged riders or stopped him from cycling because his headlights were out or beeped with the wrong signal: two times for left instead of one for right. Oops! Sorrrryyyyyy!
I learned from him more than ever on our last tour together, racing to Time Station 15 in Durango in the middle of the night. In our delirium, our chase car took a wrong turn right into a playground – through the trees and into picnic tables, swing sets and a wooden train. At the other end, we landed in the parking lot where a RAAM official greeted us with a look on his face like he was trying not to judge, but he was. When the adventure was over, Andy just said “Let’s get a good night’s sleep tonight in a hotel.”
Is this what James meant when he said ” you must learn to endure everything so you will be completely mature and not lacking in anything.”
RAAM2014 is supposed to be the ultimate endurance test. It is. But for more reasons that you might expect. Andy taught me about physical endurance, but he also modeled a more important endurance lesson. From where I stand, Andy is headed in the right direction. The way of the Spirit.
“…and the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.”
& The Fruit: Peace
Big Bad Bald Bob Doesn’t he look big and bad?
“Peace is the confident assurance of God’s love and presence in any circumstance.”
Bob.”Big Bad Bald Bob” or “B4” as he is now officially known to us, was the embodiment of peace on this trip. Our crew chief reflected confident assurance in every single moment of every single day with not one crack.
While the rest of us were scurrying around and bombarding Bob with a thousand questions, his presence was constant – centered, calm, still.
Bob addressed every issue in the same quiet, but confident tone. All the while, he payed very close attention to the needs of each of his team members even if it meant ignoring his own needs.
Before we left, Bob’s wife tried to tell us that she had only heard Bob raise his voice once or twice. Even then, she said, it would be the equivalent to anyone else’s normal tone of voice. I don’t think we believed her. We later found out that she spoke the truth.
Bob found and displayed peace in all of our storms. Even the sandstorms. Even the constant storms of flat tires and dead head lights and changes in plans and instructions. And even when our RV found itself perpendicular to another RV barreling down the road at 50 mph. Wait. Was he there for that? It’s hard to know. He was so unassuming. So humble.
It was clear that Bob’s peace came from a very deep place of faith.
His peace became our peace.
It was a gift to all of us…a shining example that we now hold forever…a lasting Fruit.
“…and the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.”
& The Fruit: Joy
With our constant giggles, outbursts, and belly laughs, I really did have concern that Andy and Gino would think that the crew wasn’t taking their job seriously. I promise we were. I like to believe we were attesting to true joy. Joy in all circumstances.
The origin of joy comes from the Greek word for Rejoice. Joy is about faithful assurance that occurs because our perspective is wider and larger than we are. At the core of joy, there is an element of freedom.
When we set ourselves aside, it is freeing.This freedom allows us to transcend any circumstance. This freedom brings joy.
Happiness is related to our circumstances. We are happy when life is good and all is well. We are happy when something good happens to us or we receive something we want. Happiness is about our worldly desires being met.
Joy is different.
Joy is deeper. It grows out of our faith. It’s a new perspective of seeing life outside of our “self.” It is about gratitude and awareness that there’s more than meets the eye.
Our crew had joy. Our circumstances certainly were not optimal, but we were experiencing life abundant. We were pushing our limits. We were stepping outside of our selves to take care of each other for the sake of something bigger. We were letting go of our own needs; our showers, our sleep, our wants, our needs. It was freeing!
Joy made us feel alive!
And so those laughs? Ok, they may have come partly from sleep deprivation. But mostly they came because we were rejoicing. We were alive. We were free. We were a team; working tightly, sharing our gifts, serving each other.
If I learned nothing else from this experience, I learned where to find true joy and it is way outside of my Self.
“…and the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.”
& The Fruit…Love
And so what was that deeper truth of the Spirit? How did we witness God’s presence on this journey within a tiny community of twelve? And if we didn’t reach our destination, then what did it all mean anyway?
Our interactions tell the story of frustration, sadness, exhaustion, discord, and heartache. But they also tell the story of forgiveness, selflessness, patience, joy, kindness, goodness, and more.
Our story is everyone’s story as we make life choices, daily choices, and even split second choices. Our story is everyone’s story as we share God-given gifts with each other. Our story is everyone’s story as we face limitations and disappointments. Our story is everyone’s story as we struggle to balance each day between human will and God’s Will. And our story is everyone’s story of transformation.
Some experiences just seem to rev up the growth process. In one week, we were challenged to align, adjust, and fine-tune the best of who we are with the worst of who we are.
This is where the light shined its brightest. In the midst of cycling, navigating, changing tires, filling water bottles, and generally racing around the clock, we were growing and we were learning about what it means to live in community.
There are many shining examples of how this team shared “fruit.” Many of those illustrations were revealed around the table in Durango.
I had never witnessed a “Roses and Thorns” session before. Apparently, while I was in musical theatre post mortums and roasts during high school, the boy scouts and girl scouts were participating in much more intriguing system of debriefing.
Since B4, our Crew Chief, was a boy scout (I’m guessing an Eagle Scout), he suggested that our final meeting begin with Roses and Thorns – a time to share the good and the bad.
The symbolism tugged at me. In almost every culture, the rose is a symbol of beauty and love while thorns are associated with pain and suffering. For some reason, these two words began a new swirl of thought and emotion in my mind and heart.
It had been an intense week of beauty and pain…joy and sorrow…the best and the worst…the fruit and the pits…and yet every one of us focused on the Rose.
Already, we were witnessing the most enduring Fruit of the Spirit and the one that wraps around all the others: Love.
“…and the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.”
Life In Five Hour Shifts 